One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
