you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
