Swine flu. Run for my life!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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