did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
