found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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