Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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