Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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