I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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