Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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