Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
