my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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