i already hear my dad disowning me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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