My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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