i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
