Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize