i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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