don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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