I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
