Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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