what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
