Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
