The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
a search helicopter?!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
