sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
