well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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