I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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