using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
