I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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