porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
