I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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