hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
