how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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