dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
