day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
