Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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