you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
