Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize