I just saw a hot homeless man
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
