this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
