she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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