The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
