when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
