This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
