Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
