his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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