ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
