i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
