Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
