and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
