My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
