Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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