WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
