Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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