He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
