I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
