I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
