Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
