bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
