she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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