She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
