i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
