He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize