i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
