Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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