I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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