i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
