I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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