So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
