Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
