If i come over, it means nothing
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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