why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
