Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
