yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
