Ambien. No doubt about it.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
