my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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