I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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