How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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