Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
