who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
