We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
