dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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