If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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