you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Too much gin, very little bucket
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
